Tooth and nail, claw and maw, these things awaken a primal fear, the practical repellence between predator and prey. So much greater and complex is the cosmic fear one feels upon gazing into the eye of a monster with its teeth on the inside, the serial killer.
No matter the revulsion I feel at the atrocities that these creatures have committed, I, never the less, remain transfixed by, not only their reasoning, but by their varied personalities.
Thus an idea began to spawn in my mind. A musical comedy staring a rogue’s gallery of female murderers. Once in a thousand years their souls are called to the courts of hell to plea their case for parole and reprieve. They are given a court appointed defense attorney from heaven, and a prosecution attorney from hell. And so begins the insurmountable task of the defense to convince, not the jury, but the convicted themselves of their own wrong doing, thereby allowing them to move on to limbo and begin repentance.
Our first plaintiff is Belle Gunness, noted as the first female serial killer. Her modus operandi was to lure young men of standing to her estate through flowery love letters, where she’d pin herself as a widowed damsel in distress. She’d weep into her parchment of her financial woes and bait the young beau to come meet her at her decrepit estate. When they arrived they’d realize why she was some what shy to include her picture or any self description, the woman was built like a school bus, with a face like Newt Gingrich. Needless to say, they would have it out, but she could usually at least pursued them to stay one night, and get some rest and a meal. She’d get them drunk and when they fell asleep she’d chloroform them, suffocate them, and steal their money before chopping them up and feeding them to the pigs.
After all was said and done she murdered up words of a hundred men this way. When people finally became suspicious of her, she hired a new nanny for her children, murdered her, murdered all of her children, then she decapitated the nanny, put all the bodies in the basement, then burned the house down. What’s worse, she told the farm boy that was in love her to meet in a certain spot so they could run away together, instead the police met him there and he went to prison for her crimes.
She wound up escaping to Florida where she eventually died of old age under an assumed name.
All that being said, I give you the first part of The Belle Gunness Tango. Where Belle Gunness tangos with men, throwing them in piles around the stage, when she’s done with them.
All I wanted was a man.
You tell me, is that a crime?
Men may die, as people can,
Everybody has their time.
Just because I own a watch,
doesn’t mean I make it tick,
and their time passed through my fingers,
thank the lord he made it quick
Bachelors are a delicate thing,
when they’re here, it’s so easy to get tangled
I could be as gentle as an angel,
Still when we embraced he could get strangled, Oh-oo, Oh-oo!
To have a child is a gift,
and I was blessed with two or three
But if that gift our lord should lift
How on earth could you blame me?